Friendships
1. There
are different levels of friendships.
Define: acquaintance, casual friendship, close
friendship (mutuality), and intimate
friendship.
2. There
are different seasons of friendships.
Your life is like a skyscraper, with
each floor representing a different part of your life. Realize that some friends are there for a
season: you may be sharing the
experience of a hobby your child likes together, or have children in the same
activities or sports, but afterwards it is difficult to keep connections with
each and every one of these friends.
They may remain a special part of special memories, but with time
limitations you simply cannot keep connected to every friend you meet along the
path of your life.
3. There
are different reasons for friendships.
If
you let God pick some friends for some seasons for you,
Some friends are in your life because
you add something vital to their lives…
If you are aware
of how God provides for you through some seasons,
Some friends are in your life because
they add something vital to your life…
In the process,
you may find the golden,
Some friends are in your life because
you each add something vital to each
others’ lives.
The 10 rules of any friendship
1. Establish
boundaries.
It is very important
that you not make your friends (or any one for that matter) a prisoner of your
expectations. For example, you may
expect a friend to call you often, stop by occasionally, have a coffee time or
activity together, keep in touch regularly.
If your friend does one or two of these things, you may feel
disappointed because you were thinking they should do so much more. Give your expectations to God and let HIM
meet your needs according to HIS riches. Then, when a friend or a relative is able to
do something with or for you, you are able to be grateful because you didn’t
expect so much more from them!
Also, it is important
that your time and financial expenditures reflect your priorities in your life. Although we would writ3e our priorities down
in an order that would really indicate what is most important to us in our
lives, often we are not making strong choices so that our activities and
expenditures reflect those priorities.
You may say, “God is number one in my life, then my husband then my
children, then our parents, then the rest of our families, then our friends,”
but if you truly look at the choices you make, you may find that you are not
living true to your stated priorities.
Do you really put God
first? Do you spend time in the Word
each day and make time to demonstrate to Him that He is first in your
life? Do you truly put your
husband first above your children’s needs?
How does he see this demonstrated in action? It is important to establish boundaries so
that the people that matter the most to you in your life aren’t getting your
leftovers. Believe me, if they are getting leftovers, they know it!
2. Be loyal.
True friendship is “walking in the
Light.” “God is light, and in him is no darkness
at all. . . . If we walk in the light, as he [Christ]
is in the light,
we have fellowship one with another . . .” (I John 1:5, 7).
“. . . A whisperer separateth chief
friends” (Proverbs 16:28).
“Faithful are the wounds
of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Proverbs 27:6).
It is amazing to me the number of people that
willingly speak badly about their husband, children, family and friends! Loyalty is becoming a lost character trait! Speak well of the people you love. One child defined love this way: when you love someone their name is safe in
your mouth.
3. Don’t
keep track.
“A man that hath friends
must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
My Dad taught me never to keep track. If I didn’t have people willing to call me
way more often than I was able to call them, at certain periods in my life I
wouldn’t even been able to have any friends at all! If you are the one gifted with planning events
and getting people together, keep doing
it. Just because others don’t
reciprocate or have you over for dinner, or call you, don’t keep track. Stay the person you are: not only will it often inspire others, but you yourself will have the blessing of
being the best you can be at all times and being true to who God made you to
be!
4. Be patient and gracious.
You
are walking through life with imperfect people.
Be patient and
gracious and pull the best from others.
5. S –
t – r – e – t – c – h!
1
John 3.16 tells us, Hereby perceive we
the love of God, because he
laid down his
life for us: and we ought to lay down
our lives for the brethren. “Sacrifice” is the definition of
love. We ought to lay down our lives for others.
Our loving them is not a question of coming up to someone and patting them on the
back. The way that we can show them we love them is to make personal
sacrifices to meet their needs. The only way
you can express your love is by making sacrifices in your life for others.
6. Bring
who you are to the relationship.
I
don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow
does that much better. – Plutarch
Don’t just be someone
who agrees with everything your friend does!
Be sure you are bringing your perspective and your gifts and insights
into any relationship you want to have meaning!
7. Love
with your head as well as your heart.
There
is no reason we should be friends with everyone, and one thing that kids should get used
to early on is that space and limits to relationship are necessary.
8. Examine
your motives.
Why do you want to be a
friend to someone? Make sure your
motives
are pure. A good friend adds to your life and you add
to their life too.
9. Make
each other’s life better because you
are in it.
We are to “consider [observe fully] one
another to provoke [incite] unto love
and to good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Close friends should pull greatness out of
us. True friends exhort and encourage one another.
“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth
the countenance of his friend”
(Proverbs 27:17).
Lots
of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who
will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey
10. The
“ins” and “outs” of friendship: knowing
when to “hold them” and when to
“fold
them.”
Growing
apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be
tangled. I’m glad for that. – Ally Condie
Realize
that those who reject Christ should reject you. You can have casual friendships
with non-believers, but you should not have intimate friendships with non-believers, because
you do not share the same goals. (Proverbs
13:20 - Become
wise by walking with the wise; hang out with
fools and watch your life fall to pieces.)
Learn to “stand alone”
against evil, and to say “I am not able to do that” when your friends do things that work
against your goals in life.
Hospitality
S – See the need. What is hospitality? The word in the Greek is
philoxenia, which literally means “love
of strangers.”
1 Thess 4.9 tells us But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for
ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. 1 Peter 1.22 - Seeing ye have purified your souls in
obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a
pure heart fervently: The word “fervently” in the Greek is ektenes, a medical word used of
“stretching a muscle.” In other words, stretch out as far as you can to love
that person out there.
Hospitality is one of the qualities a pastor or bishop
has as an outward show of an inward commitment to the Lord: as part of that
desire to be the Lord’s hand extended, it is natural that the Word tells us
that he will be “given to hospitality” (1 Tim 3.2) or “a lover of hospitality”
(Titus 1.8).
T – Transcend normal motives. But hospitality is not only for pastors and
bishops: it is something God establishes in all believers once they
commit their lives to Him. Let’s read Rom 12.5-21. Verse 13 says “given to
hospitality.” What that really means is to “pursue” hospitality: literally to
“suffer persecution/press forward” to hospitality.
The enemy is so against our getting together. Any time
we seek to get together to lift up the Lord, the enemy will come against it and
it will seem like persecution. Perhaps that is why the Greek literally
admonishes us to press forward or suffer (permit) persecution for hospitality’s sake!
R - Repeatable. My best times opening my house were times
where my children were wound up and not listening, or my home was in disarray
(I remember one time my water had to be turned off and I still had a group of
people over although my kitchen was all ripped up trying to find the plumbing
problem!). When everything was perfect, others felt they couldn’t open
their homes in the same fashion so it wasn’t able to inspire them. However, when it was real, many many people told me it encouraged them to open their
homes even in the midst of training little children, upsets, and nuances of
everyday life.
In becoming a “lover of hospitality,” know the difference
between entertaining and hospitality. Karen Mains in Open
Heart, Open Home says:
Entertaining
says, “I want to impress you with my home, my clever decorating, my cooking.” Hospitality seeking to minister, says,
“This home is a gift from my
Master. I use it as He desires.”
Hospitality
aims to serve. Entertaining puts things before people. “As soon as I get the house finished, the living room
decorated, my housecleaning done – then I
will start inviting people.”
Hospitality
puts people first. “No furniture – we’ll eat on the floor!” “The decorating may never get done – you come
anyways.” “The house is a mess – but you are friends – come home with
us.” Entertaining subtly declares, “This home
is mine, an expression of my personality. Look, please, and admire.” Hospitality whispers, “What is mine
is yours.”
E – Extend the group. “Open your circle and let someone
in!” True hospitality can only come as a result of commitment to the Lord as He
implants in His children’s hearts the desire to be His hand extended. It is the
love of strangers: Luke 14.12-14. It is where people cannot pay you back where
it is true hospitality.
Matt 25.35-44 tells of true hospitality, when Jesus
specifically tells us that it is our acceptance of HIM when we extend our
hospitality to strangers. Strangers is the Greek word xenos; which is part of the word “hospitality.” Hospitality: our
hand extended in His Name to strangers and those who would not really or could
not really repay the hospitality.
1 Peter 4.8 - And
above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover
the multitude of sins. Cover a
multitude of sins can have two meanings:
T – Themes help.
Themes make things more fun, and often more memorable. We’ve
had some incredible theme parties and events. Our family will never forget
going to see Grease all dressed up as 50’s characters! And keep your focus through the theme: even
if you are having a pinochle party, realize there are people there with needs
so be sure to take time to go to a deeper level so that you are not just meeting
social needs, but ensuring no one leaves your events without being lifted up
and supported in some of the things they are going through.
C - Challenge
others. Hebrews 10:24-25, And let us consider one another to provoke
unto love and to good works: Not
forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more,
as ye see the day approaching.
H - Help: Enlist
Some! 1 Peter 4.7-10 But the end of all
things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer. And above all things have fervent charity
among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to another without
grudging. As every man hath received
the gift, even so minister the
same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
