Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Be a Barnabas; Pursue a Paul; Train a Timothy

Be a Barnabas

Joseph, a descendant of Levi, had been born on the island of Cyprus. The apostles called him Barnabas, which means “a person who encourages. He sold his field and gave the money to the apostles for the work of God.[1]

He was a prophet and a teacher (Acts 13.1). When all the disciples were afraid of Paul after his conversion, it was Barnabas that took him and explained his conversion and verified his testimony.[2]

Here is the kind of person Barnabas was: When Barnabas was sent to Antioch, he was full of joy when he saw the grace God gave to them. He continuously exhorted (warned, urged, and encouraged) them all to cleave unto and remain faithful to and devoted to the Lord with [resolute and steady] purpose of heart. For he was a good man [good in himself and also at once for the good and the advantage of other people], full of and controlled by the Holy Spirit and full of faith (of his belief that Jesus is the Messiah, through Whom we obtain eternal salvation). After indicating Barnabas continuously exhorted the Church at Antioch, it says, And a large company was added to the Lord.[3] That’s what happens when people like Barnabas are around.

Barnabas was led by the Holy Spirit to leave Antioch then and go to Tarsus to look for Saul. He brought Paul back to Antioch and they taught the Church there for a year. The disciples ere first called Christians there, leading us to believe that he was a great example of looking like Christ.[4]

Barnabas looked for ways to encourage the faith of others. When he wanted to take John Mark with him and Paul on a missionary trip, Paul did not want to take him. Paul was probably thinking about John Mark’s inexperience and his failure in the past when Paul and his company loosed from Paphos, they came to Perga in Pamphylia: and John departing from them returned to Jerusalem.[5] Paul and Barnabas disagreed so sharply that they parted ways. Barnabas took John Mark to Cyprus, and Paul selected Silas instead and went through Syria and Cilicia.[6] Apparently, Barnabas was a good tutor to his nephew, because later we see that Paul says that he is a great help and profitable to him in the ministry,[7] sends greetings to the Colossians from Mark and instructions from Paul to welcome him,[8] and sends greetings from him to Philemon,[9] referring to him as a follow worker and fellow labourer.  With someone like Barnabas walking alongside him, John Mark was able to overcome some of his immaturity and grow in Christ.

A Barnabas is our spiritual peer, a friend in the faith, someone we co-labor with and someone who will be a source of fellowship, protection, and encouragement. We need to do the same things for them. We need someone that knows our heart and knows when our balloon is losing helium and starting to sink. Someone with the ability to infuse us with more helium so we can stay afloat during tough times. The word encourage is from two words that mean to put in heart, or put in courage. Do you have a Barnabas in your life?

Pursue a Paul

When I purchase a product, even if it isn’t too costly, I depend on reviews from others who have used the product before. That helps me be confident the product will be the quality it says it is, fit correctly, and be a purchase I won’t regret. Hearing what others have to say can also uncover unforeseen problems.

When I travel, I research to be sure we go to restaurants with good reviews from those who have dined there before. We look at tour reviews to see comments of travelers who went on the tours before us. We don’t want to waste time and money by taking chances!

Pulling up a map program helps us to foresee traffic hindrances and road blockages that would hinder us getting to our destination in a timely fashion without unexpected problems.

In the same way, it is so important to have mentors in our faith: those who have walked before us, who can help us uncover unforeseen problems, and save us time and energy in learning tough lessons ourselves. In fact, the Bible tells us, Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.[10]

We are told to Remember [our] leaders, who spoke the word of God to [us]. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.[11]

In community with other believers, one of the things we learn is that God never intended for us to figure everything out on our own. Scripture is replete with examples of leadership, friendship, mentoring, and being mentored. We see the downfall of fools who despise wisdom and will not hear instruction throughout Proverbs and in the lives of those like Rehoboam,[12] Nabal,[13] Asa,[14] Saul,[15] and others.

We need a “Paul” in our lives so that we realize that there is still somewhere we need to get to in our walk with Christ. Someone who has blazed the path before us and knows some of the obstacles we will be facing and how best to overcome them.

A scorner has no love for one who rebukes him; neither will he go to the wise [for counsel].[16]

A stubborn fool considers his own way the right one, but a person who listens to advice is wise.[17]

I have been blessed with many mentors in the faith that have given me words of wisdom that helped me avoid problems in my life and helped me find solutions instead. When facing challenges, I have looked to find others who have gone before me successfully, and asked them what they did to conquer the same challenges that I am facing to come out victoriously. Although some of their advice wasn’t applicable to my unique situation, more often than not much wisdom helped me create and live out solutions, take away excuses, and empower me to get through.

A Paul needs to be pursued. Make time to be accountable to someone. Make time to pick their brain and ask them questions. Make time to observe a mentor when applicable or appropriate. Write down goals with them and make tangible steps to achieve them. Discuss strategies and possibilities with them; they will surely save you some steps and add wisdom to your direction.

When pursuing a mentor, set up a schedule on what your plan is to meet or talk with them. Some challenges may require once a day contact, some once a week, some once a month, and other times even meeting with someone once can help you. Stick to a time schedule so neither of you give up on your intended meetings because of your inability to keep to a schedule.

We can all benefit from being lifelong learners. Make sure you are utilizing the wonderful tool of having a mentor encourage you through your unique challenges and obstacles in life.  Do you have a Paul in your life?

Train a Timothy

One of the things we are commanded to do is to make disciples and teach.[18]  We are to declare [God’s] strength to this generation and [His] power to all who are to come.[19]

In fact, we are literally stewards over the comfort we have received when we suffer.    
He comforts us whenever we suffer. That is why whenever other people suffer, we are able to comfort them by using the same comfort we have received from God. Because Christ suffered so much for us, we can receive so much comfort from him. Besides, if we suffer, it brings you comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, we can effectively comfort you when you endure the same sufferings that we endure. We have confidence in you. We know that as you share our sufferings, you also share our comfort.[20]

We are told that, The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also.[21]

We need a “Timothy” in our lives so that we can share the grace we have received in our trials with them so that they will be equipped to get through their trials. We need to realize that even while “in process” of our own growth, we still have something to share with others. Others can benefit from some of the lessons we may have had to learn the hard way, and we can share hope and help to others that may be a life raft to them when they feel as if they are sinking.

When you are training someone you also accept responsibility to live up to the standard God has given you. You become more aware of your attitudes and the way you live, knowing that others are watching and learning from them. You seek to win victory over weak spots in your character because you want to be a good example. We want to model life-long learning to others, making people more effective on both sides of that training.

The Gospel gives great examples of being good leaders. The heart of Paul as a leader is expressed in his letter to the Thessalonians:  Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.[22] He told the Corinthian church: Imitate me as I imitate Christ.[23] Paul said that the Corinthians were a …letter of recommendation written in our hearts that everyone knows and reads. It’s clear that you are Christ’s letter, written as a result of our ministry. You are a letter written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, a letter written not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.[24]

Paul realized the importance of leaders and the example they are. He told Titus to be sure the older women were good examples: Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,…[25]

Paul instructed the Romans that, Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”[26]

Although Timothy was a lot younger and inexperienced, Paul took time to father him in his faith. Paul poured into Timothy, and God used Timothy in a mighty way despite his young age. Just like Paul, we all need a “Timothy” in our lives too. We all need to be pouring into someone not only for their benefit and growth but for our benefit and growth as well. No matter where you are in your walk with the Lord, there is always someone that will benefit from you taking the time to pour into his or her life. Think of all the people who have poured into your life and how they have helped you along the path.

Paul took the time to instruct Timothy: Don’t let anyone look down on you for being young. Instead, make your speech, behavior, love, faith, and purity an example for other believers.[27] While modeling life and training Timothy, Paul imparted to him by four different ways that he brings out in Philippians 4.9:  Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you. If others are to learn, then you are to teach; if others are to receive, then you are to give; if others are to hear, then you are to speak, and if others are to see then you are to do. As you teach, give, speak and live the principles you are teaching, you become more accountable to live up to those standards. As you speak, your own faith grows by hearing, strengthening your resolve and commitment. It is a healthy accountability. You join with Paul, increasing in discipline, …for fear that after proclaiming to others the Gospel and things pertaining to it, I myself should become unfit [not stand the test, be unapproved and rejected as a counterfeit].[28] Your joy comes as you see those being trained by you walking and living up to the truth.[29]

Be sure you then seek out someone you can bless as you have been blessed: your own personal “Timothys” that you can pour into as a Paul.  Your joy will abound when you see the difference you can make in the lives of others. Your own faith will grow as you encourage others too. Do you make the time to have a “Timothy” or two in your life?

Conclusion

Much of the New Testament is written to Churches. Every time the Bible says one another, it is referring to what church members should look like to the world in order to display His glory. Growing in relationships with other believers shows the grace and glory of God to love others, forgive, selflessly give, and transform lives.

God’s Word is for His glory and for our good. When we learn to trust Him and obey His word, He instructs [us] and teach[es] [us] in the way [we] should go,[30] and He has given us everything we need for life and for godliness. This power was given to us through knowledge of the One Who called us by His own glory and integrity.[31]

If every person would seek to be a Barnabas, pursue a Paul and train a Timothy, we could always realize the process the Lord has wondrously given us to grow as people and believers. We will never lack purpose nor encouragement in our lives.

We will realize the comfort and consolation of having a “Barnabas” to walk through life with who empowers, encourages and understands, and who we can be an intimate integral part of their lives as well by empowering, encouraging and understanding. We will not become proud, realizing we are still “in training” under a “Paul” at all times. We will learn that the things that have helped us through life we can steward and pass on to others, as we train a “Timothy” – knowing that we can still have something to give even though we haven’t yet “arrived.”



[1] Acts 4.36-37 (GW)
[2] Acts 9.26-27
[3] Acts 11.22–24 (AMP)
[4] Acts 11.25-26
[5] Acts 13.13
[6] Acts 15.37-39
[7] 2 Timothy 4.11
[8] Colossians 4.10
[9] Philemon 24
[10] Proverbs 11.14 (MSG)
[11] Hebrews 13.7
[12] 1 Kings 12.8
[13] 1 Samuel 25.2-11
[14] 2 Chronicles 16.9
[15] 1 Samuel 16.18
[16] Proverbs 15.12 (AMP)
[17] Proverbs 12.15 (GW)
[18] Matthew 28.19-20
[19] Psalm 71.18
[20] 2 Corinthians 1.3–7 (GW)
[21] 2 Timothy 2.2
[22] 1 Thessalonians 2.8
[23] 1 Corinthians 11.1
[24] 2 Corinthians 3.2–3 (GW)
[25] Titus 2.3-4
[26] Romans 15.1–2 (MSG)
[27] 1 Timothy 4.12 (GW)
[28] 1 Corinthians 9.25–27 (AMP)
[29] 3 John 4
[30] Psalm 32.8
[31] 2 Peter 1.3 (GW)

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Friendship and Hospitality

Friendships

1.         There are different levels of friendships.

            Define:  acquaintance, casual friendship, close friendship (mutuality), and      intimate friendship.

2.         There are different seasons of friendships.

            Your life is like a skyscraper, with each floor representing a different part of your life.  Realize that some friends are there for a season:  you may be sharing the experience of a hobby your child likes together, or have children in the same activities or sports, but afterwards it is difficult to keep connections with each and every one of these friends.  They may remain a special part of special memories, but with time limitations you simply cannot keep connected to every friend you meet along the path of your life.


3.         There are different reasons for friendships.

            If you let God pick some friends for some seasons for you,
                        Some friends are in your life because you add something vital to their                               lives…

            If you are aware of how God provides for you through some seasons,
                        Some friends are in your life because they add something vital to your                              life…

            In the process, you may find the golden,
                        Some friends are in your life because you each add something vital to                               each others’ lives.


The 10 rules of any friendship

1.         Establish boundaries.
                        It is very important that you not make your friends (or any one for that matter) a prisoner of your expectations.  For example, you may expect a friend to call you often, stop by occasionally, have a coffee time or activity together, keep in touch regularly.  If your friend does one or two of these things, you may feel disappointed because you were thinking they should do so much more.  Give your expectations to God and let HIM meet your needs according to HIS riches.  Then, when a friend or a relative is able to do something with or for you, you are able to be grateful because you didn’t expect so much more from them!

                        Also, it is important that your time and financial expenditures reflect your priorities in your life.  Although we would writ3e our priorities down in an order that would really indicate what is most important to us in our lives, often we are not making strong choices so that our activities and expenditures reflect those priorities.  You may say, “God is number one in my life, then my husband then my children, then our parents, then the rest of our families, then our friends,” but if you truly look at the choices you make, you may find that you are not living true to your stated priorities.  Do you really put God first?  Do you spend time in the Word each day and make time to demonstrate to Him that He is first in your life?  Do you truly put your husband first above your children’s needs?  How does he see this demonstrated in action?  It is important to establish boundaries so that the people that matter the most to you in your life aren’t getting your leftovers.  Believe me, if they are getting leftovers, they know it!

2.         Be loyal.

                        True friendship is “walking in the Light.” “God is light, and in him is no                           darkness at all. . . . If we walk in the light, as he             [Christ] is in the                                 light, we have fellowship one with another . . .” (I John 1:5, 7).

                        “. . . A whisperer separateth chief friends” (Proverbs 16:28).

                        “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are                                     deceitful” (Proverbs 27:6).

                        It is amazing to me the number of people that willingly speak badly about their husband, children, family and friends!  Loyalty is becoming a lost character trait!  Speak well of the people you love.  One child defined love this way:  when you love someone their name is safe in your mouth. 

3.         Don’t keep track.

                        “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend                           that sticketh closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

                        My Dad taught me never to keep track.  If I didn’t have people willing to call me way more often than I was able to call them, at certain periods in my life I wouldn’t even been able to have any friends at all!  If you are the one gifted with planning events and getting people together, keep doing it.  Just because others don’t reciprocate or have you over for dinner, or call you, don’t keep track.  Stay the person you are:  not only will it often inspire others, but you yourself will have the blessing of being the best you can be at all times and being true to who God made you to be!

4.         Be patient and gracious.

                        You are walking through life with imperfect people.  Be patient and
                        gracious and pull the best from others. 

5.         S – t – r – e – t – c – h!

                        1 John 3.16 tells us, Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid                          down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.                  “Sacrifice” is the definition of love. We ought to lay down our lives for                                     others. Our loving them is not a question of coming up to someone                          and patting them on the back. The way that we can show them we                              love them is to make personal sacrifices to meet their needs. The only                                     way you can express your love is by making sacrifices in your life for                               others.

6.         Bring who you are to the relationship.

                        I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I                                nod; my shadow does that much better. – Plutarch

                        Don’t just be someone who agrees with everything your friend does!  Be sure you are bringing your perspective and your gifts and insights into any relationship you want to have meaning!

7.         Love with your head as well as your heart.

                        There is no reason we should be friends with everyone, and one thing that                             kids should get used to early on is that space and limits to relationship are                                  necessary.

8.         Examine your motives.

                        Why do you want to be a friend to someone?  Make sure your motives
                        are pure.  A good friend adds to your life and you add to their life too.

9.         Make each other’s life better because you are in it. 

                        We are to “consider [observe fully] one another to provoke [incite] unto                             love and to good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Close friends should pull                              greatness out of us. True friends exhort and encourage one another.

                        “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his                                     friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

                        Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is                                    someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. –                            Oprah Winfrey

10.       The “ins” and “outs” of friendship:  knowing when to “hold them” and when to
            “fold them.”

                        Growing apart doesn’t change the fact that for a long time we grew side by               side; our roots will always be tangled. I’m glad for that. – Ally Condie

                        Realize that those who reject Christ should reject you. You can have                          casual friendships with non-believers, but you should not have intimate                            friendships with non-believers, because you do not share the same goals.                              (Proverbs 13:20 - Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out                                   with fools and watch your life fall to pieces.)

                        Learn to “stand alone” against evil, and to say “I am not able to do that”                             when your friends do things that work against your goals in life.


Hospitality

S – See the need.   What is hospitality? The word in the Greek is philoxenia, which literally means “love of strangers.”

1 Thess 4.9 tells us But as touching brotherly love ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. 1 Peter 1.22 - Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently: The word “fervently” in the Greek is ektenes, a medical word used of “stretching a muscle.” In other words, stretch out as far as you can to love that person out there.

Hospitality is one of the qualities a pastor or bishop has as an outward show of an inward commitment to the Lord: as part of that desire to be the Lord’s hand extended, it is natural that the Word tells us that he will be “given to hospitality” (1 Tim 3.2) or “a lover of hospitality” (Titus 1.8).

T – Transcend normal motives.   But hospitality is not only for pastors and bishops: it is something God establishes in all believers once they commit their lives to Him. Let’s read Rom 12.5-21. Verse 13 says “given to hospitality.” What that really means is to “pursue” hospitality: literally to “suffer persecution/press forward” to hospitality.

The enemy is so against our getting together. Any time we seek to get together to lift up the Lord, the enemy will come against it and it will seem like persecution. Perhaps that is why the Greek literally admonishes us to press forward or suffer (permit) persecution for hospitality’s sake!

R -  Repeatable.  My best times opening my house were times where my children were wound up and not listening, or my home was in disarray (I remember one time my water had to be turned off and I still had a group of people over although my kitchen was all ripped up trying to find the plumbing problem!).   When everything was perfect, others felt they couldn’t open their homes in the same fashion so it wasn’t able to inspire them.  However, when it was real, many many people told me it encouraged them to open their homes even in the midst of training little children, upsets, and nuances of everyday life.

In becoming a “lover of hospitality,” know the difference between entertaining and hospitality. Karen Mains in  Open Heart, Open Home says: 

            Entertaining says, “I want to impress you with my home, my clever     decorating, my cooking.” Hospitality seeking to minister, says, “This home is           a gift from my Master. I use it as He desires.”

            Hospitality aims to serve. Entertaining puts things before people. “As soon     as I get the house finished, the living room decorated, my housecleaning done – then I will start inviting people.”

            Hospitality puts people first. “No furniture – we’ll eat on the floor!” “The        decorating may never get done – you come anyways.” “The house is a       mess –            but you are friends – come home with us.” Entertaining subtly declares, “This           home is mine, an expression of my personality. Look, please, and admire.”            Hospitality whispers, “What is mine is yours.”

E – Extend the group. “Open your circle and let someone in!” True hospitality can only come as a result of commitment to the Lord as He implants in His children’s hearts the desire to be His hand extended. It is the love of strangers: Luke 14.12-14. It is where people cannot pay you back where it is true hospitality.

Matt 25.35-44 tells of true hospitality, when Jesus specifically tells us that it is our acceptance of HIM when we extend our hospitality to strangers. Strangers is the Greek word xenos; which is part of the word “hospitality.” Hospitality: our hand extended in His Name to strangers and those who would not really or could not really repay the hospitality.

1 Peter 4.8 - And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.   Cover a multitude of sins can have two meanings:

T – Themes help.   Themes make things more fun, and often more memorable.    We’ve had some incredible theme parties and events. Our family will never forget going to see Grease all dressed up as 50’s characters!  And keep your focus through the theme: even if you are having a pinochle party, realize there are people there with needs so be sure to take time to go to a deeper level so that you are not just meeting social needs, but ensuring no one leaves your events without being lifted up and supported in some of the things they are going through.

C -  Challenge others.   Hebrews 10:24-25, And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.


H -  Help: Enlist Some! 1 Peter 4.7-10 But the end of all things is at hand: be ye therefore sober, and watch unto prayer.  And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.  Use hospitality one to another without grudging.  As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.